even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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