woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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