We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
