Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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