If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize