he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
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She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
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You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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