I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
