she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
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Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
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I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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