the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
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She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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