Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
