i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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