Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
