nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
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I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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