oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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