I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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