I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I believe in your delicious
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize