i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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