My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
