Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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