the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
