Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
