He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.