you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.