for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
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Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?