He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
