The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?