it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.