Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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