I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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