but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
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I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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