youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.