you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink