just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?