just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?