So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail