This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
