I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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