No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.