chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
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I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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