Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
