If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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