the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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