When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Little spoons don't ask big questions
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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