the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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