I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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