with your own penis?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
