and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
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I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
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We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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