so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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