my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize