I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize