What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
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Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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