He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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