but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize