First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
