I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
