It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
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in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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