ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
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The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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